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Breaking the infinite loop: Its the person, but not situations!

Sita and Geeta: (They are imaginary characters in my story. I created these characters by merging stories and qualities of many characters including clients, relatives, friends, etc., that I have seen in my life. These characters do not represent any single individual)

Seeta and Geeta are housewives. They feel disappointed about their life. They find it difficult to interact with strangers. They repeatedly failed many times in getting job or doing any bossiness kind of work. They have many expectations on their family members and they have hope that their situation can change in case if they get proper care and support from their partner or daughter. They believe that their daughters are their extensions. Whatever they failed to do in their life, they want their daughters to achieve and succeed in those tasks. Example, they couldn’t learn swimming, so they want their daughters to excel in swimming.

Seeta got married at very young age and she had kid immediately after marriage. It was a arranged marriage. She always thinks that root cause of all her problems is arranged marriage, that too because it happened when she was very young.

Geeta got married at late age and that too, it was love marriage. however, Geeta’s mother died when she was young. Geeta’s husband is a person who restricts her a lot.

Seeta always thinks and tells to herself that “If I would have had time to marry, chose a guy on my own and if it was a love marriage, my life would have been different. I would have selected right person and achieved a lot in my life.”

Geeta always thinks and tells to herself that “If my mother death wouldn’t have happened, if I would have got help from mother and married a person who gives freedom, my life would have been different and I would have achieved a lot in my life.”

Seeta is a proof that Geeta is wrong and vice versa. Seeta got support from mother, her husband gave her freedom and her marriage was arranged one. Geeta got opportunity to choose guy and her marriage was love marriage. So, Seeta and Geeta are wrong in understanding what is the root cause of their problems. No matter how situations, things change in their life, their dissatisfaction and dysfunctionality would remain constant.

So, what is the real cause then? What is so common between Seeta and Geeta? Why they are dissatisfied and dysfunctional? Its their PERSONALITY AND BEHAVIOURAL PATTERNS!

How their life would change? They have to first understand, its not situations that shape their life. its their choices, personality, behavioral patterns and self awareness. If they choose to break their patterns, that is when their life would change! For example, if they choose to forcefully expose themselves to social situations, their patterns break and their life would change.

New definition of regret: Generally, we humans regret about our decisions. If I would have married different guy or if I would have joined different course, my life would have been better. But here, we are attributing our failures and success to our situations. However, what can change our life is, if we learn to understand that real cause of any consequence is our behavioral pattern and regret about not breaking a particular patter, a positive change in life becomes inevitable! If we only regret about decisions and situations, and not focus on patterns, there wont be any change in life. We keep falling in same trap again and again! Same kind of wrong decisions again and again! Same kind of failure again and again! Same regret again and again!

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